
Vallcntme, B. B- 

T,ri Pa#*adlisc . A 
aet. 

JS993 


|arce in <>n<2 










Class. PS 3JJA 
Book_•\ /^-7 











IN PA R A D I S E 


A FARCE 


IN ONE ACT 


BY 


B. B. VALLENTINE 


I) 


AUTHOR OF 

“A Southern Romance.” “ Fitznoodee.” ” The Lock¬ 

smith of Paris. ” “Fadette.” “TheAngee,” 

“The Chameeeon,” “Madame 
Saccard.” Etc. 


Copyright by B. B. Vallentine, 1899. 



IN PARADISE 


Fi.rst performed at Keith's Theatre, Union Square, New York, 
January 22, igoo. 


Monsieur Pontbicliot.Mr. Wilson Deal 

Monsieur Gresillon.Mr. C. W. Vance 

Raphael Delacroix.Mr. Edwin Brewster 

{iAn Artist.') 

Chico.Mr. Richard Meredith 

{tA Lion Tamer.) 

Rosalie.Miss Sadie Handy 

Madame Pontbichot .Miss May Niblo Drew 

Claire Taupin.Miss Minnie Seligman 


56679 










TWO COPIES RECEIVEO. 


L lura/-y jf 

Office of tbii 


n 

(Jlycr\} - \ '5' ' 


FEB 1 91900 


ntgiittr of Copyrights, 




IN PARADISE. 


Scene.—Kondoir of Claire Taupin. Elegantly furnished, 
portieres. &;e. Part of folding bed seen through alcove. 
Behind the bed, a ladder not in view of the audience K. 
between bed and the door a fireplace, mantel and mirror. 
Table in the middle. Couch L. Three doors L., one of 
which is in the alcove. Door R. first entrance. Chairs 
behiml the table and at K. 

At rise:—Rosalie discovered turning over account books on 


table. 


ROSATdE. Well. I must say my mistress for an artist’s 
model, and even for an ex-actress who has been so long on 
the stage, is very extravagant. (Sighing.) 1 can't get these 
accounts straight, and yet she wants me to have them in 
order, to show her guardian. ^Monsieur (tresillon. just how 
she spends the allowance that her uncle It ft her. Now, 1 
Avonder she doesn’t tell old Gresillon, who is the executor 
of the will, that she is engaged to ^lousieur Chico. I sup¬ 
pose it is because Monsieur Gresillon might not iike ]Mon- 
sieur Chico’s profession, and INIademoiselle does not wish to 
anger old Gresillon or he might stop paying her alloAvance 
in advance. (Examining accounts.) And she does want 
money badly. I really don’t know Avhat to say to the 
landlord and the tradespeople who keep calling to collect 
bills. 

(Ring.)—I wonder Avho that can be; ^Mademoistdle cannot 
be back already. 

(Ring heard again.)—Whoever it is, is in a great hurry. 
(Exit L. U. E.) 

(Re-enter ROSALIE with RAPHAEL.) 

RAl'HAEL. Where is your mistress’.'' 

ROSALIE. She is (mt, but will be back soon. (Aside.) 
This must be the artist. Monsieur Raphael Delacroix, who 
lives on the fioor aboA^e. 

RAI»IIAEL. 'Hoav very provoking that I can’t see her at 
once. She is an artist’s model—is she not? 



4 


IN PARADISE. 


ROSALIE. Oil, yt'.s. An ex-actress*, a sin. 2 :er and several 
other thinjis beside. 

RAPHAEL. ((living* money.) Now, yon are a pretty 
girl 

ROSALIE. Thank yon, Monsieur. 

RAPHAEL. So I'll take yon into my confidence and 
you’ve got to help me and be quick about it, as I haven’t 
much time. This is the situation—I want your mistress tO' 
liretend to have been engaged to be married to me. 

ROSALIE. To von'/ 

ItAlTIAEL. Don't interrupt. An old gentleman from 
the country will come here by and by. I'm going to marry 
his daughter, but he won’t give his consent until he breaks 
oft' personally with my former fiancee. Now. your mistress 
must be that former fiancee although I never had a former 
fiancee. 

ROSALIE. I never heard of such a thing, 

RAPHAEL. Of course you didn’t. This old gentleman, 
Monsieur Pontbichot, unknoAvn to his wife, Madame Pont- 
bichot, wants to see what he believes to lie Parisian life, 
and I will iiret^nd to show it him. Now I must go, and 
I’ll return with The old gentleman immediately. (Giving 
more money.) Perhaps you'd better say nothing to your 
mistress. So when I come, just act as if you’d never seen 
me before. 

ROSALIE. Very well. I'll keep my mouth shut. 

RAPHAEL. Precisely. Now I'll be off. (Exit RAPH¬ 
AEL,) 

ROSAIdPl (I>ooking after him.) AVhat a joke! I don’t 
see why Mademoiselle shouldn't do it. It will only be like 
acting a part and I should think he'd itay well for it, and 
we want money. (She returns to the account books.) 

Ring.—That must surely be Mademoiselle. (PIxit RO¬ 
SA LIl*:.) 

(Re-enter ROSALIE, followed bv OLAIltE. with parcels 
etc.) 

( I.AIRPj. 1 in tirt'd out. Those dry goods people are 
perfect brutes. So long as you have nionev von can have 
everything in the store, but wlnn you haven't the smallest 
trifle comes €. O. I), ('ash or death. Anvbodv called, Ro¬ 
salie'? 4 - 

ROSALIPl Yes, :Madenioiselle; the landlord and Mon¬ 
sieur Chico. 

CLAIRE. Tell the landlord I'm out—tell him anything 
you like—and show Monsieur (ftiico in. 

ROSAIJP:. (P’orgetting herscdf.) And there was—I 
mean I’ve been at work on the accounts, and they're not yet 
ready to show to Monsieur Gresillon. 

CI.AIRPl (Sitting at table with Rosalie.) Let me see. 


IX PARADISE. 


I' .5 

UOSALIE. ril just tiiiisli this aiUlitioii. 

CLAIKE. (Looking? at book.) Dear me. the expenses; 
were heavy last month. 

ROSALIE. Mademoiselle would "o to Monte 'Carlo. 
CLAIKE. es, I had bad luc'k. Never mind. I suppose 
thinjis will eome out all rijiiit. Have the i)ainters tinished in 
the drawing room? 

ROSALIE. Not yet. 

CLAIRE. hat a nuisanee. So I’m obliged to receive 
ill my bedroom. (T.iOoks at accounts again as Chico enters.) 

CHICO. Always adding and tiguring—if woman is a ser¬ 
pent. you ought to be called an adder. 

CLAIRE. Ah. Chico! So glad to see vou—why. what’s 
the matter? 

CHICO. Nothing. 

CLAIRE. There is something. ('I'o ROSA LIE.) Rosalie. 
ROSALIE. (Rising, and as she goes.) The lion tamer is 
in a bad temiier to-day. When they’re married he’ll soon 
tind out who's the tamer. (Exit ROSALIE.) 

CLAIRE. Now, tell me what it is. (Ooing to liox and 
showing a jacket and pajamas.) See. hert^—1 remembered 
it was your birthday. AVhat do you think of this. Chico? 

CHICO. Thanks. (Pause.) AVell. it’s your maid Rosalii' 
who told me 1 mustn’t <‘all whenever .vour guardian is likely 
to be here. 

CLAIRE. She did (piite right. You know my guai'dian is 
executor of my uncle’s will, and 1 must keep in his good 
graces. He must not see you here. Ib' does not know we 
are engaged to be married, as he would object to you on ac¬ 
count of your profession. 

CHICO. 1 object to him from evei-y point of view. He is 
rich and can give you everything in the way of luxury. 

CLAIRE. That’s where you make a mistake. 1I(‘ <loles 
me out weekly the income from the investment, my uncle 
made for me. He is not generous—he is a skinflint. ((TTICO 
rises and flicks with his whip the furniture.) Ah, (’liico. 
come here. (Sitting on couch.) (!oni(' here, you giuait big 
baby, and I will tell you something which will bring a smile 
into those melancholy eyes. (CHICO sits by the side of her.) 
Once there was a lion tamer who tamed ferocious animals 
at the Neuilly Fair. One stormy day Mie tawny brutes 
watched the door of their cage and seemed to ask if he would 
dare to enter! He entered. 

CHICO. (Rising and taking a theatri(*al pose.) Like this. 
(Coes to R.) 

('LAIRE. (Rising.) Dominated by. his fascinating eye, 
the beasts recoiled. (Chico goes through motions.) At this 
nioment there was a. flash of lightning, a peal of thunder— 
the bi-utes i-oared, (CHK.'O imitates the roaiang of a lion.) 
'I’he i)ublic sl(i-ieke<l. (('i-y of fright.) Ah! (Changing tone.) ‘ 


IN PA RADIS PJ. 


♦) 


niie subduer was ou the j»roiiiul stnijigliu^*' in the gi'asp of 
a ferocious panther. (CHICO, jtoing through act of strug¬ 
gling, stops.) 

CHICO. No, no it wasn’t a pantlier; you always make a 
mistake; it Avas a lion, the lion Jupiter. 

CLAIKE. A lion,. Of course, it was a lion; I always for¬ 
get. I said to myself. “He is lost,” but Avhen I saw you rise 
■(CHICO rises) and lash, and lash the lion Avitli your whip, 
and forcing the monster to crouch before you, A^anquished. 
.(CHICO cracking the Avhip.) 

CHICO. (Cracking the AA'hip.) Hoop-la I Jupiter! Hoop¬ 
la! (He goes up and round the table crying, “Hoop la!”) 

CLAIIIE. Then you placed your foot on his head (CHICO 
goes through motion of placing foot on lion’s head), and, amid 
thunders of applause, you boAA-ed to the public. (CHICO 
boAA’S.) Then I said to myself. That man has my AA’hole heart 
and can do AA'ith me Avhat he pleases—and yet you say that I 
«lo not loA^e yon! 

CHICO. (Coming doAvn stage to li. of her.) Well, I admit 
that I am jealous of your guardian, Gresilloii. but AA^hen AA'e’re 
married it aaJII be different, but uoaa’ I must go and train the 
lions. I am luiAung a lot of trouble AAuth Jupiter. 

CLAIIvE. What’s the matter Avith him? Is he ill? 

CHICO. No., but he’s got spring feAm-, ahd has been ugly 
for about a AAeek. I'erhaps one tine day Jupiter may SAA^al- 
loAA' me AA'hole. Then you luiA^e him stulfed. and a floral of- 
ffering placed around his mane w ith the AA’ords:—“To Chico; 
SAvalloAA-ed, but not forgotten.” Goodby! (Exit CHICO.) 

CLAIRE. If AA’omen were sensible they AAmuld never love 
anybody. But Avhat is one to do if one has a heart? 

(Enter ROSALIE.) 

ROSALIE. A caller. Mademoiselle. 

<CLAIRE. Who is it? 

ROSALIE. Here’s his card, 

CLAIRE. (Reading.) Monsieur Raphael Didacroix. Who 
is he? 

ROSALIE. I think it’s the artist who lives on tlie floor 
a boA’e. 

CLAIRE. What does he want Avith me? 

ROSALIE. (Aside.) I mustn’t say. (Aloud.) He didn't 
say. 

CLAIRE. ShoAA’ him in. Ask him to Avait a little, and 
then come and help me arrange my hair. (Exit Claire R.) 

ROSALIE. What does he want Avith me? I’m not sup¬ 
posed to know,, but as he’s an artist, she must surely sup¬ 
pose that he Avants her to pose for a model for one of his 
;pictures, (Oi>ening door at back.) This way, monsieur. 

.RAPHAEL. Well, you didn’t say a Avord? 


IN paradisp:. 


liOSALIE. Not n word. Mademoiselle wil be here im¬ 
mediately. But where's the old gentleman V • 

IvABlIAEL.—Oh. he’ll be along; but tell yonr mistress to 
make haste. 

ROSALIE. All right, monsitnir. (Exit Rosalie R.) 

RAPHAEL. (Alone.) Well, 1 mnst say my future fath¬ 
er-in-law is a most (mergetie individual—a hustler, in fact. 
After his daughter, Mll(‘. Jeanne Pontbichot, whom I love, 
had promised to be my wife, he declined to giv(‘ his consent 
unless he was allowed to l)reak olf personally with my for¬ 
mer attachment. Now. as I havim’t any former attach¬ 
ment, I’ve ('ome liere to make iiim believe that I have. 
When the coachman oi)ened the door of the cab, and, push¬ 
ing me in. my future father-in-law, M. Pontbichot, said. 
“Where doe.s she live?” 1 was .just about to slip out at the 
oj)posite door when an idea struck me. 1 remembered my 
neighbor in the Bat Ixdow me was a lively artist’s model, 
as well as an (>x-aetr(‘ss, so 1 had no lu'sitation in giving my 
own addiress. •‘What’.-' At yonr own honsi'':''’ he sai(I. 
“How very convenient!” Now, it only remained for me to 
get rid of my fntnn' father-in-law for a whihc 1 couldn’t 
l)res(mt myself and M. I’ontbichot to a lady I’d only met 
on the staircase to ask her to br(‘ak off friendship with me,, 
a man she didn’t know. 1 then Ixdhonght myself of a lit¬ 
tle present. Hang it all. one can’t break off witbont a part¬ 
ing gift. “Have yon any money about yonV” “Not a son,” 
said 1. “.Neitlier have 1.” “Oh. tlnm,” said 1, “wedl break 
it off to-morrow.” “No! no! To-day! Ooachman, drive to 
the (’rc'dit Lyonnais Hank.” "Vovy well,” I said; “yon go 
there, and I will go and prepare her for onr coming.” Then 
I jumped out of the carriage and told tlu‘ coacdiman to drive 
slowly. 1 wish she’d come. Pll ring. (EnttM* Rosalie.) 

ROSALIE. What do yon wish, monsieur? 

RAPHAEL. How long will yonr mistress bt'? 

ROSALIE. She’ll be here in a miniitt*. 

RAPHAEL. I wish she’d coni(‘. 

ROSALIE. (Aside.) He’s in a linrry.) Exit Rosalio. 
(Enter Claire.) 

RAPHAEL. (Seeing her and going toward R.) Ah. at 
last! Now I wonder if sh(‘'ll hav(‘ me ki(.‘ked out. 

CLAIRE. Von wish to speak with me. monsier.f? 

RAPILAEL. Vt's, madaine. Although we do not know 
ea(‘h othei-. I ask yon to do nu' a servic(‘—an immens(‘ s(‘r- 
vic(‘. 

CLAIRE. (Amiable.) Indeed, as a neighbor, if it is in 
my j)ower. (She sits L. of tabU'.) 

RAPHAEL. (Sitting at R.) Madanu', in heaven's name, 
let me be yonr lover. 

CLAIRE. What? 


s 


IN PARAiDlSE. 


UAPIIAEI.. Oil, for a quai-t(M' of an hour: :Make it 
twenty minutes to l)e (piite sinu'. 

OLAIlvE. I wonder where j'on think you are. 

KAl’IlAEI.. (Rises.) Kiit yon do not umhM’stand. 

(■LAIKE. Then what <lo yon waiitV 

KAlMIAkRj. An old gentleman from La 'Pour, whom you 
do not know, will be hert‘ immediatcdy. Ib* will beg- of you 
not to love me any more. 

CLAIKE. Not to love you any inort*? 

KAITIAEL. 1 iK'ji’ of you not to interrnpt me—every 
moment is precious. 

CLAlKPh (More and mort' astonislu'd.) (Jo on. ^Monsieur, 
go on! 

KAPIIAEL. Then you must shed tears. (Assuming the 
voice of a woman in desi> dr.) “To leave Raphael—so good— 
so gentle—so loyal! It is so hard to part from him.” Then 
you must swear never to see nu* again, and then the old gen¬ 
tleman will soothe your feelings by offering you a little 
present, which he is now dr.-iwing fi-oin the bank. 

CT.AIRE. Oh. Monsimir. 1 tliink I umh'rstand now. You 
' have had the elfrontt'ry to claim an acouaintama' with nu' 
without consulting nuc 

RAPHAEL. I didn’t have time. 

<'LA IRE. At the risk of comiirtimising me. 

RAPHAEL. Hut nobody Avill know. 

OLAIRE. 1 think I underst:ind. Monsiimr said to him¬ 
self:—“riair(' Tauiiin is .an artist’s mod('l. has been an actress 
and may 1 h‘ tiaaited with contemiit. and by giving her a little 

present-.” Oh! 1 h.avt'no iiaticma'! ((Jiving Raphael his 

h.at. whicli lu' had put on tin' tabha) lleiaa is your hat, 
.Monsit'ur. You’d btUtia* go. 

RAPHAEL. What! Then you ivfusc’.' 

(TvAIRE. (k'rtainly. 1 refuse'. (She is about to go.) 

RAPHAEL. ((Joing to her ,aft(*r having put his hat on the 
tjible.) Hut. Mademoise'ile. you do not umierstand. After all, 
what is it 1 ask’/ Meia'ly to h't nu' ]eass a f(‘w minutes here 
posing as your lover in order to hoodwink an old gentlem.an 
who will not give nu' his daughte'r unless I li.ave' an entangle¬ 
ment which he wants to break off himse'lf. 

(’LAIRE. ((’oming down and passing down to R.) Then 
why on earth didn’t you take* him to sonu' oiu' whom you 
know’/ 

RAPHAEL, ((k)ming down to 1,. before' the' ceem-h.) It 
was impossible. (Earnestly.) 1 havesno one. 

CLAIRE. Then why did yon come' to me’/ 

RAPHAEL. hy’/ (Struck with an iele^a.) He'eaiuse' 1 was 
proud to say that 1 was the love'r eef the prettiest woman 
in Paris. 

CLAIRE. (Se)tteiK'el.I Oh. inde'e'd. diel yoti sjiy that’/ 



IN PARADISE. 


0 


IvAPHAEI.. Of course, I did. Then my future father-in- 
law cried. “Wliy. that’s Claire Tanpin.” ' 

CLAIRE. O'dattered.) No. 

RAPHAEL. I assure you. You sec, if I have compro¬ 
mised you. A’our l»«>aifty is as much to l)lan!<* as 1 . 

CLAIRE. (Siniliip;.) Is it very im])ortant to your happi¬ 
ness that 1 render you this service? 

RAl’HAEI.. It is indeed necessary. 

CT.AIRE. Then Pll do it. After all. you don't ask me to 
do anythin.u’ that is dishonofahle. You simply wish me to 
hoodwink an old .gentleman from La Tour, 'rell me, is he 
very shrewd? 

RAI'IIAEL. No: the provincial article. 

CLAIlvE. Now. let me think for a moment what can we 
do. 1 have it! The scene from “Camille'* with old Duval! 
I’ll play it: 

RAITIAEI.. Do you know it? 

CLAIRE. Do I know it? AYhy, it was on account of that 
scene that I had to leave the conservatory—the other i?irls 
were jealous. (Coiii^- up and preparing- to act.) Old Duval 
enters and says. “Mademoiselle Mar.ituerite Oautier." (Turii- 
in.i^ and actintr tin* other part.) “It is I. monsieur. To whom 
have I the honor of speakiim?" “'I'o ^Monsieur Duval." “To 
Ah!” 

Monsieur Duval? Ah!” 

CLAIRE. Yes. (Acting.) “Ah, monsieur, cease. I he^- of 
you. You ask me to do something- that is too terrible." 

RAPHAEL. Superb. 

CLAIRE. And 3 -et the critics said that I acttnl without 
feeling. 

RAPHAEL. Nonsense. If I had been there. 3 'ou would 
have received a curtain call. 

Cr^AIRE. And now 3 'ou intist put on this dressing jacket. 
{Gets jacket) and I'll address 3 ’ou familiarly, so that 3 'ou will 
feel perfectl.v at home—and now ring. (Raphael rings.) 

(Enter Rosalie.) 

CLAIRE. Here. Rosalie ,take these things away. (Gives 
her Raphael's hat and coat.) 

RAPHAEL. (Looking at jacket.) That is mor(‘ than I 
bargained for. Ponthichot can't refuse me his daughter afttu- 
thi.s. 

CLAIRE. We're going to play a trick on an old gentleman 
from the countiy. and pret(md to have been engaged to each 
other; he'll be here imniediateb'. 

ROSALIE. Ver.v well. Mademoiselle. (Aside.) Well, he 
wasn’t long striking up an ac(iuaintance. (Exit Rosalie.) 

RAPHAEL. Now, what will he say? He’ll he here soon. 

CLAIRE. The jacket tits you like a glove, doesn't it? 

CLAIRE. .Inst think how funnv it is that we are going 


IN PARADISE. 


to break off with eaeli other when there never was an attach¬ 
ment, and 1 liave never seen yon before. 

liArriAEl.,. It is ridicnlons when yon come to think of it. 
(Kell rings.) There'si a ring—it must be he. 

('EAIKE. (Pointing to sofa.) (io and sit tliere. (Kaphael 
sits.) 

ROSALIE. (Entering.) Madame, it's the old gentleman 
from La Tonr. 

('LAIRE. Show him in. (She sits close to Raphael.) 

ROSALIE. Here? 

OLA IRE. Certain^'. 

RAPHAEL. (Aside.) Oil. my tiancee, it is all for yon. 

ROSALIE. (Showing in POXTKICHt )T.) This way, 
Monsienr. 

(POXTBICIIET enters, hair frizzed, flower in bnttonhole.) 

POXTBICIIET. At last I am here, in Paradise. 

(Exit IIOS.ALIE, taking Pontbichet's hat.) (I’onibichet 
. sees Olaire and Raphael. He \vaits for a moment, and. see¬ 
ing they do not speak, he decides br speak.) 

POXTBICTIOT. (Behind the table.) Mademoiselle Claire 
Tanpin-. 

CLAIRE. (Rising.) It is 1. Monsienr. (RAPHAEL rises 
and goes to I.,.) 

POXTBICHOT. By Jove, she is pretty! 

CTvAIRE. To whom have I the honor of speaking? 

POXTBICHOT. To the future father-in-law of Monsieur 
Delacroix. 

CI.AIRE. (TTtering a cry, falls tragically on the (*onch.) 
Future father-in-law! Ah! 

POXTBICHOT. (Frightened, throws himself to the right 
of the conch.) Oreat heavens! She's fainted! 

RAPHAEL. (Quietly, going to left of conch.) Oh, it is 
nothing, meiady emotion. 

POXTBICHOT. Co away, leave me alone with her. 

RAPHAEL. AY hat for? 

POXTBICHOT. Yes, I'll call yon. 

RAPHAEL. Promise me that yon'll treat lier gently. It 
it so hard for her to give up a man like me. 

POXTBICHOT. I promise yon. (He goes ])ehind the 
table and insi)ects the apartment.) 

RAPHAEL. (Entering room R.) If this is what a young 
man must do in order to win the liand of a girl, half the 
world would be bachelors. 

I*OXTBICHOT. (Examining furniture.) So this is the 
boudoir of a sonbrette: what luxury! (Snifling.) \Yhat per¬ 
fume—1 wonder what my wife wotild say. 

CLAIRE. (Aside, seeing that POXTBICHOT has not ad¬ 
dressed a word to her.) He seems to have forgotten me. 
(Aloud.) Hum! Hum! 



L 9fc 


IN PARADISE. 


II 


IMNTHICHOT. She is ivviviiis'. (With aciininitioii.i She* 
looks even prettier tlian wlieii 1 tirst eain(‘ in. 

OLAIKK. (As if revivinjiM \\huM‘e am IV (Aetiiii;’ with’ 
fear.) Oh, 'tis yon! 

POXTKIOHOT. MeV 

(MyAIKK. VonV (Aside.) Now for (’ainillel 
(I’OXTRICIIOT ('.) 

CLAIRE. (Tra^jically.) All, AJonsienr. cease. I he« of 
yon; yon ask me to do soinethiiif*’ that is too dreadful, more 
terrible than I conld have imagined. Yon shoidd not do so; 
we were so haiijiy. 

P(IXTBIOHOT. (.Vside.) Sin* I'Xjiresses herself hiainri- 
fnlly. (Aloud'.) Bnt the parting would have to come. 

CLAIRE. Ah, Monsieur, yon do not know how wv lovc^ 
one another. Von ask me to leave Armand! 

BOXTBICIB )T. Armand V 

CLAIRE. (Aside.) I meant Raiihael. 1 suffer, and 
when one suffers it is dilticnlt to choose names—oh. how I 
suffer! 

POXTBICIIOT. (Aside, moved.) She looks splendid 
when she suffers. (Taking her hand.) Listen. 

CLAIRE. Ah! Yon can take my hand' and feel m.v i)nls(\ 

POXTBICHOT. That’s what 1 am doing. It is slow. 

CT.AIRE. Yon mean that it is very fast. (Drawing Ina- 
hand away.) I have a fever. 

POX'TBICHOT. (Aside.) Mow women, when they love., 
do love. 

CLAIRE. (Letting herself fall to (he light in desiiair.) 
Ah, Raphael! Ah. Rajihat.. 

liAPHAEL. (Looking in at dooi'.) Here 1 am; is it 
broken off? 

POXTBICHOT. Xo. no! Xot yet. 

RAPHAEL. I h(‘ai(l my naimx 

POX^TBICHOT. It was she in despair. (Pushing him to¬ 
ward L.) Co away. 

RAPHAEL. Bnt-. 

POXTBICHOT. (Pnsliing him.) Co away, (("’losing (he 
door.) 

CLAIRE. Ah! Mis(>rable woman, yon bdieved yourself 
happ.v; happiness is not for me. 

POXTBICHOT. (Trying to calie >»er.) (’aim yoin-self. 

CI.AIRL. .\h! Monsienr, do yon know what, misery is.' 

POXTPK’HOI’. 1 hav(‘ been married thirty years. 

CLAIRE. What will be my life 'henceforthV 

POXTBK'HOT. (’oine, now. one so charming as yon. 

CIvAlRE. (Rising and ])assing to L.) Do not torture me. 
Ra])ha(d, so .good, so gentle, so loyal! 

POXTBICHOT. (Asld(‘, readiing R.) lids is dreadftil: 

I can't stand it. 


12 


IN 1\\HADISE 


CLAIRE. I shall di^. 

PONTBICHOT. (Goiii^i lo her..) Oh! 

CLAIRE. 1 feel it here. (She strikes her breast.) 

I^OXTHICHOT. (Lnnerved.) Don’t say thin^js like that. 

CLAIRE. Blit 1 do. 

PONTBICHOT. (Affected.) N(>. bnt- 

CLAIRE. (Again isti-iking hers(‘]f.) And then I feel it 
there. (She coughs.) 

P()NTBICHOT. (Aside.) Ih'rhaps if I offered her the 
little present it might (‘aim her. die takt's ont his pocket- 
book.) 

CLAIRE. (Who has s(‘en him.) Man. what are yon doingV 

PONTBICHOT. (Taking ont banknotes.) Bnt—— 

CLAIRE. (Indignant, i)assing to IL) Honey I Yon rend 
my heart and atteni])t to heal it with money. Vott will 
kill me. 

PONTBUTIOT. (Not knowing what to do with the 
money.) I beg yottr ytardon. 1 will not kill yon. (Going to 
pnt money in his pocket.) 

CLAIRE. (Pointing to table.) No. pnt it therel (M’ith 
nobility.) Ah! Honsienr, that which yon do is indeed in- 
fainons. 

P(.)NTBI(TI( )T. (About to pick up tin' notes.) Bnt, 
then- 

CLAIRE. (Qtiickly.) Don't touch them. (Taking tongs 
from fireplace.) Those baidviiott's shall not soil my fingers. 
(She picks tip the notes ivith tla* tongs and holds them 
ont.) What shamed Gn^at Ib'avents! My mother! The 
rent! The remt! (She rings.) 

P( t.NI’BKdIOT. (More and more' affe'cted. draws ont his 
handke'rchief.) - She' is thinking of he'r mothe'r. 

(Enter ROSALIE.) 

ROSALIE. (Aside.) We'll, this is interesting. 

CLAIRE. (To ROSALIE, handing her the' banknotes at 
the end of the tongs.) Take these*. Rosjilie. and give them 
to the i)()or. (Aside*.) I'm the' poor. 

ROSALIE. (Astonishe'd, taking the* tongs with the notes.) 
Ha! Ha! 

Id )NI'BI(’HOT. She* give's the'in to the itoor. It is 
Sjtiblime'. 

(Exit ROSALIE, lattgiiing. with tongs.) 

CLAIRE. (Aside.) And ilow for the final re'signation and 
it is done. (Aloud.) Ah! As tlu'y have told yon that I 
have a heart and that I am good, it is Raphael who has re¬ 
formed me. 

PONTBICHOT. (Affected.) Raphae*!. Rapluu'l. 

CLAIRE. Raphael, yes. Yon ask me to separate from 
him for his fiitnre, for his hai>])iness. Command me. Pm 
ready. 

PONTBICllol'. iSobbiiig.i Ah! Gre'at Heaven! 



IN PARAjDISE. 


IS 


CLAIRE. 1 didn’t mean to aftVet luin like this. 
PONTHK'IR )T. Oh. Heaven! ih'aveii! 

CLAIRE. (Triumphant, to andieneo.i Tears, and the 
critics said I acted Avitliont feelini;-. 

POXTHICHO'r. (Callins'.l Rapliael! Rapliaell 
RAPHAEL. (Entering'.) Well, is it broken otfV 
POXTHICHOT. (Eyes tilled with tears.) Rroken off? 
No. Raphael, throw yonrself in her arms. Yon can't leave 
that woman. 

RAPHAEL. What’s that he says? 

POXTRICIK )’r. Yon cannot do it. 

RAPHAEL. (To POXT.) 'How is this, yon come here 

to break it off. and instead of doinjr so yon- 

POXTRICHOT. She loves yon as .Inliet loved Romeo. 
RAPHAEL. I l)e,ii- of yon to j^et me ont of this. 

CLAIRE. (Low.) He reassured. (Aloud, with fe(dini;.) 
We must now say onr last adienx. 

POXTHICHOT. Xo! 

RAPHAEL. Yes! 

POXTHICHOT. Xo! Xo! 

CLAIRE. It imist be, because I wish it. 

RAPHAEL. Yes. it must be. because she wishes it. Ah! 
Non do noi know what a will she has when she wishes 
somethinjt. 

RAPHAEL. It i^ hard for Ikm- to jiive np a man hk(‘ me, 
but it must be. 

CLAIRE. (To RAPHAEL.) Adieu! 

RAPHAEL. Adieu! Adieu! (To I*OXT.) ('ome alons'. 
let us ^o. it*>s broken off! (A ants to take him anay.t 
POXTHICHOT. If you leave her you are a scoundrel. 
RAPHAEL. Come along. 

POXTHICHO'r. Hive her at least one last good bye kiss. 
RAITIAEL. One good bye kiss. yes. 

they are embracing. (HtESlLLOX appeals.) 
ORESII.LOX. AYhat is this? Hy old friend Pontbichotl 
CLAIRE. (Turning round.) !NIy guardian. ^Monsieur 

POXTHICHOT and RAPHAEL. Oresdloii? Our old 

friend Oresillon. . 

CRESILLoX. Raplnud kissing my ward. ( laire Jan- 


pin. and in your presema*. 

(POXT. L. (tRESlLLOX. RAPHAEL. (’LAIRE.) 
CLAIRE. (Aside.) They know eacli other. 
POXTHICHOT. It Avas tlie biaaiking off kiss. 

(Hides his face on CRESILLOX S shoulder.) 


CRESH.LOX. Raphael, your lover! 

(’LAIRE. (Passing betwt'eii RAPHAEL and CRLSlI.i- 
LOX ) Xot at all. Xow. this is becoming serious; enough 
of acting. Why. I never saw the gentleman until an hour 



14 


IN PARAJDISE. 


Jiji-o. lie came here to ask hie to iiretend to lie his former 
tiaiieee, in order to hoodwink that old gentleman. Is it not 
true V 

RArilAEL. It is (inite true. 

(JKESILLON. And do yon expect me to digest that 
story V 

roXTKlCIIOT. (To himself.) Then what the devil did 
he bring- me here forV 

(’LAI HE. (To (IkESlLLOX.) Then you don't Ixdieve 
meV 

(JKh^SILLOX. Hut. I saw Madame. 1 saw- 

(’LAIliE. 1 don't care what yon saw. 1 tell yon the 
truth, and yon doubt me. 

(She goes up.) 

(lllESILLOX. (Following her.) Ent- 

(’LAIKPT Don't bother mel 

(Exit CLAlKPll 

(fUlOSlLLOX. Yon hear what she says. 

K.VITIAPM.. My dear (fresillon- 

(dKESILLOX. Don't dear mel Yon. Haphae], yon whom 
I regarded as my most intimate friend, coming behind my 
back and making love to my wai'd, without (•(Uisnlting me! 

ItAITIAPMi. I tell yon 1 never saw the hnly. 

(JUP:SILL()X. Then, why do I lind yon here with that 
smoking jacket on'.'' 

KAFIIAPIL. Simply to make it appeal' that 1 -was quite 
at home here, to- deceive Monsieur Fonlbiehot. 

DUICSILLOX. What do yon take me for'.*' 

ILVITIAPIL. Monsieur Pontbiehot insisted that I had a 
former tiancee; and exacted as a condition of consent to my 
marriage with his (laughter thar he should break off per¬ 
sonally my former attachment. So I induced this lady, 
Mademoiselle C’laire 'ranpin, to plav the jiart. 

POXTHICHOT. ((b)ing to PAPHAEL.) Kiphael, swear 
to me that yon do not love Claire Tanpin. 

KAPHA El.. 1 swear it! 

POXTHICHOT. Then this is where I come in. 

(1KES1I>TJ)X. (To KAITIAEL.) Xothing now remains 
but for me to go home. 

I’OXTHK’HOT. Yes. go home! Go home! 

(He reaches K.) 

RAIMI A EL. Hut- 

(^KPlSILIAlX. (Severely.) (do home! 

RAPHAPIL. .Yei'y well, that/s what 1 will do. 

(PLxit kapiiap:l.) 

OKPISILLOX. A tine hn.sband he would have made for 
your daughter; he would have dei'cived his wife. AVell 
now 1 have done with that young man. 

POX’riHCHOT. Then you go home? 






IN PARA/DISE. 


15 


(tUESILLON. Yes. l*in ^?oing\ and you may tell my 
ward, Mademoiselle Claire Taiipin- 

rOXTBICHOT. Yes. of course. That's understood. Go 
home. 

GliESILLOX. Give her these before I go. (Taking 
T»ank notes from pocket and coming down.) Take them. 
Tell her it is a parting gift from me. 

POXTKICHOT. (Pushing him.) Yery well. Xow you'd 
better go, 

GKESILLOX. (Coming down.) I really don't want to 
go. Don't let me go. 

POXTBICHGT. Oh, you make me weary! You're not a 
man. you’re a weathercock! 

GliESILLOX. (Going, but turing round and seeing 
CLAIRE.) Claire. I did not expect tliis of you. 

CI.iAIRE. You still doubt me':* Go away, guardian. 

G RESILLOX. Claire. 

(Coming towards her.) 

POXTRICHOT. (Going to GRESILI.OX). You'd betb‘r 
go. or I’ll tell your wife. 

GRESIITOX. My wife! 

(Exit GRESII.LOX.) 

CLAIRE. This will teach me not to render services to 
strangers in the future, and thus have a serious (piarrel 
with my guardian. 

POXTRICHOT. (To himself.) Pontbichot. the hour of 
freedom has arrived. This is glorious! Go it. Pontbichot. 
What would my wife say if she saw me here in an actress’ 
boudoir? 

CI>AIRE. (Aside.) He walks up and down like one of 
Chico’s lions. An idea! If I could only get this old gentle¬ 
man to rent this apartment, to keep an eye on his son-in-law 
in the apartment above, I could re-establish my credit with 
tradespeople. 

POXTRICHOT. (Much embarrassed.) Madame- 

Mademoiselle, what the deuce does a fellow say the hist 
time he speaks to a soubrette? 

CI.AIRE. Did you speak. 

POXTRICHOT. You see before you a man-a man- 

hang it! I don’t know how to begin. For thirty years 1 
have looked forward to such a meeting as this, and now 
that these anticipations are realized I can’t utter a word. T 
feel like a fool. 

CLAIRE. You are bashful. 

PONTBICHOT. Yes-me- 

CLAIRE. Then this story of breaking it off was merely 
an excuse for making my acquaintance? 

PONTBICHOT. (Sheepish.) I may say yes. 

CLAIRE. (Rising.) Then. Monsieur, I don't think I 






IX PARADISE. 




onu'lit to listeD to yon any longer. 

i’OXTFJCIIOT. Fnt yon really mnst. 

CLAIRE. (Aside.) If I conld only get the old fool to 
rent the apartment. 1*11 try, at any rate. 

FONTKICHOT. Mademoiselle Claire Tanpin. 

CLAIRE. (In a sweet voiee.) My friend. 

I’CXTBICIIOT. (.Toyfnlly.i Her friend! She calls me 
her friend! 

CI.AIRE. Come and sit here, near me. 

ROXTRICHOT. On the conch V 

CLAIRE. Xow. 1 am going to read yon a lecture, 
(POXTHICHOT takes her hand.) Xo. no: yon mnst be 
good. 

roXTBICIIOT. Ah. do not draw away that naughty lit¬ 
tle hand, that little hand at the end of which is an arm on 
which is a neck where sits the head of a goddess. 

CI.AIRE. Xo. yon mustn't do that. 

BOXTBKMIOT. Claire Tanpin- 

CLAIRE. And I don't like von to stare at me like that. 

BOXTRICIIOT. Clairette. oh! Clairette! 

CLAIRE. (r)rop])ing her eyes.) Oh! 

roXTBICHOT. I can't express half what I think about 
yon. Yon are charming, adoralile, Claire: 1 believe that I 
love yon. 

CLAIRE. (Simulating fear.) Yon really must go. 

ROXTBICHOT. Co, Avhen I am having a glimpse of Para¬ 
dise? 

CLAIRE. I'm afraid you’re a great tlirt and have made 
many comjnests. Yon are a perfect Don .Inan. 

I’OXTBICHOT. (Enthusiastic.) She says I'm a Don 
.Inan. Oh, Claire. (He snatches a kiss, his arm around her 
waist.) 

CLAIRE. (In a tender tone.) Xow swear—swear that 
you'll marry me. 

ROXTBICHOT. But I'm already married. 

CLAIltE. ^larried! Married! Indeed! I'irst Monsieur 
Raphael Delacroix comes here and compromises me with my 
guardian, and then yon appear and lead me to believe you 
are about to make me an offer of marriage, and then tell me 
yon have a wife. Yon are a nice pair. (Rontbichot un¬ 
easy.) But yon are far the worse of the two. As for that 
future son-in-law of yours, the noise that goes on up in his 
apartments is simply dretidfnl. I’ve had the ceiling repaired 
twice since I have been here. He has driven away all my 
clients. There’s a procession on that staircase all night, and 
the saturnalia orgies that go on up there are awful. I won’t 
stay in this apartment another day, not another hour, not 
another minute, even if I have three months’ rent to pay. 

I'OXTBICHOT, Yon shall not be a loser, ^Mademoiselle. 



IN PARADISE. 


ITT 

If my fiitnro son-in-law iiuUiljios in orj;ies, and as yon are- 
soiiii*’ to leave I will rent these apartments, and keep an eye 
on him. Yon shall not be one franc ont of iKicket. 

CLAIRE. Yon really will! rm so much obliged to you.. 
It is such a relief. 1*11 riu.ii: for Rosalie, who is my maid and 
secretary. (Rini^s.) 

(Enter ROSALIE.) 

ROSALIE. What now, 1 wonder? 

CLAIRE. Rosalie, this .irenthmian has taken these apart¬ 
ments for three months: see that the lease is at once trans¬ 
ferred to him (low t(> Rosalie) and make him i)ay all we owe. 

ROSALIE, (Low.) Never t'(‘ar, madam. 

CLAIRE. ((jroin.i>-.) Adieu, Monsieui-. I trust you will 
be happier here than I have betm. 

(Exit CLAIRE.) 

I’ONTHICIIOT. Adieu, Mademoiselle. 

ROSALIE. (At table.) The lauit. Monsieur, will be five 
hundred—I mean five' thousand francs a month. 

PONTHICIIOT. Wasn’t that rather a hasty shift? Five' 

thousand- (Aside.) 'flie devil. (Lookinj? in pocketbook, 

which is empty.) I ^avi' her all the money I had. Five 
thousand, let me see. Ah! Oresilloirs breakinji- off ^lift. It 
came in handy. Five thousand, I think you said. There is 
the exact amount, (Handing’’ note's to Rosalie.) 

ROSALIE, AVhat name, .Monsieur? 

FONTHICHOT. Hibi, Hibi, with an aex-ent on the first B. 

ROSALIE. (Writing- recei])!.) Received from Monsieur- 
Bibi, five thousand francs. Ib'n* is the receipt. 

FONTBICHOT. I don’t want a rece'ipt; you can keep the 
evidence. 

ROSALIE. 1 will see that the lease is at once transferred 

and made out in your name, .Monsif'ur. I have the honor- 

(Bowing;, exit Rosalie.) 

PONTBICnod*. Well, she has the honor, and I have the 
flat. AYell. hen* I am in Paradis('. This is Paris life. I’m 
in the boudoir of an actress. Ah! tlu're is one of those ward¬ 
robes I’ve heard (Jresillon speak about. He said he’d hidden 

in tlK'in so often-(Openinjt door on R.) The batiiroom 

—very luxurious. I don’t see why I shouldn’t take a bath,. 
I’ve leased the apartment. Yes. I’ll pl'unge. 

(Exit into bathroom.) 

(JRESILLON. (Enti'i'ing cautiously.) Cuckoo. She isn’t 
here. I dare say she’s gone out with Pontbichot to talk it 
over. It was wrong of me to (piarrel with her. She has a 
perfect right to do as she pleases, but as I have been her 
guardian and a kind of father to her for so many years, I 
don’t wish her to receive visitors without consulting me. 
And ])oor old Pontbichot,. lu^’d like to dive into the giddy 



IN PARADIS I’]. 


Ih 


Avliirl of I’arisiaii dissipation, but ho doosn’t know bow. Ob. 
I’m so tired. (Closes bis eyes.) 

rONTKlCHOT. (Entering from batln-oom in pajamas.) 

I tboiigbt 1 beard voices. 

C4KESILLON. Well, Em damned. 

PONTBIOHOT. Wbat, you back again? 

GRES'ILLON. Wbat are you doing here? 

PONTBIOHOT. Didn’t yon tell me to break it off? 

GllESILLON. Yes, but not in that costume. 

KAITIAEL. (Entering quickly.) I forgot my coat, 

GKESIEEON. Kapbael! 

RAPHAEL. Gresilloul <He comes down ladween PONT- 
BICHOT and GRESILLON.) 

PONTBIOHOT. My son-in-law! 

RAPHAEL. My fatber-in-law-tbat-is-to-be. in pajamas. 
Wbat are yon doing in that costnme? 

PONTBIOHOT. I was breaking it off for Gresillon. 

GRESILLON. Notbing of the sort. He wants to flirt 
with Olaire Tanpin. 

RAPHAEL. I object to this, fatber-in-la w. 

PONTBIOHOT. (Antboritatively.) Is it as my future 
son-in-law that yon make these observations? 

RAPHAEI.. Oertainly. 

PONTBIOHOT. Generally' a son-in-law is content in wor¬ 
rying bis motber-in-law, and yon propose to make the ex¬ 
periment on vonr fatber-in-law. 

RAPHAEL. Well? 

PONTBIOHOT. I’ll take back my dangbtei-. 

RAITIAEI.. And do you imagine for a moment I will 
give her np? 

GRE^^ILLON. Never! 

RAPHAEL. Yon want to remain and make love to 
Gresillon's ward? 

PONTBIOHOT. No. Pm going to stay here to keep an 
eye on von. 

RAPHAEL. If yon stay. I’ll stay here. 

GRESILLON. Me, too. 

PONTBIOHOT. Leave this room! I will not be insulted 
in my own bouse! 

(GRESILLON. Wbaf s that? 

PONTBIOHOT. I tell you 1 have leased these apartments. 

RAPHAEL. Y"on are in pajamas. Pll be in pajamas. 
(Puts on overalls or pajamas.) 

GRESILLON. (Puts on pajamas.) !Me, too. 

RAPHAEL. All that yon say to Claire Tanpin, I’ll sav. 

GRESILLON. Me, too. 

RAPHAEL. All that yon do. I’ll do, and wbat is more. 
I’ll teU your wife. 

PONTBIOHOT. (Going .toward bed.) I defy you. (He 
jumps iOn the bed.) 


IN PARADISE. 


19 


GKESSILLON and RAPHAEL. (Regarding PONT- 
BICHOT for a moment.) We’ll go, too. (Both jump in the 
folding bed.) 

CLAIRE. (Entering and going to table, turning round and 
suddenly seeing them.) Great Heavens! What's all this? 

(GRESILLON, RAPHAEL and PON’rBICHOT all 
come down together and begin to speak at once.) 

PONTBICHOT. Tell them thej^ have no right to be here. 

CLAIRE. (Trying not to laugh.) But, gentlemen, what 
are you doing here? 

RAPHAEL. Waiting for you. 

CLAIRE. In that costume? 

ROSALIE. (Entering, quickly shrieks on seeing the three 
men.) Madame! 

CLAIRE. What now? 

RtJSALIE. There’s a lady wants to speak to you— 
Madam Pontbichot. 

(Exit ROSALIE.) 

PONTBICHOT. (Crying but.) My wife! 

RAPHAEL. My mother-in-law! 

(General scampering of the men to hide—GRESIL¬ 
LON in wardrobe, RAPHAEL behind bed, PONT- 
EICHOT in bed. Enter ROSALIE, showing in 
MADAM PONTBICHOT, who has a handbag.) 

CLAIRE. (To ROSALIE, pointing to coats and hats on 
sofa.) Take those things away. 

(Exit ROSALIE with them.) 

RAPHAEL. (Putting out his head.) I wonder what she’s 
come here for? 

MME. PONTBICHOT. (To CLAIRE.) Excuse me. 
Madam, but I come to get some information about a young 
man who lives on the tloor above. 

CLAIRE. Monsieur Raphael Delacroix. Yes, I know him. 

MME. PONTBICHOT. He wants to marry my daughter. 
Has he any entanglements? 

CLAIRE. Not one. 

RAPHAEL. (Aside.) Noble Claire. 

CLAIRE. (Furious.) Ten, twenty, thirty- 

MME. PONTBICHOT. Horrible. 

CLAIRE. There’s a regular procession on that staircase. 
That apartment is an asylum, and at night- 

MME. PONTBICHOT. And th^y come also at night! 

(Enter CHICO with hats.) 

CHICO. To whom do these hats belong? (Madame Pont¬ 
bichot runs off.) 

RAPHAEL. (Aside.) The devil! 

CfllCO. I’ll find them; where are they? (About to enter 
door.) 

CLAIRE. I forbid you to enter. 




20 


IN PARADISE. 


CHICO. Let me pass, they’re there. (Pushes CLAIRE 
aside and enters room.) 

CLAIRE. It’s the lion tamer—he’ll -. (RAPHAEL, 

GRESILLON and PONTBICHOT appear again.) 

(Enter MME. PONTBICHOT.) 

MME. PONTBICHOT. I forgot my bag. (RAPHAEL 
passes behind the bed, PONTBICHOT tries to climb up it and 
GRESILLON under it, crash outside. CHICO breaks 
through the door.) 

CHICO. (Entering, whip in hand.) They’re not there. 
(MADAME PONTBICHOT runs oft.) 

(Folding bed closes with noise, imprisoning RAPH¬ 
AEL and GRESILLON. PONTBICHOT comes 
forward. CHICO rushes to him and drags him 
down to front.) 

CHICO. Who are you, and what are you doing there? 

PONTBICHOT. I am- 

ROSALIE. Why, he’s one of the men who’s painting the 
ceiling, can’t you see that; look at his overalls? 

CLAIRE. Of course, and there’s the ladder. 

CHICO. Why, so it is! I’m sorry I made all this fuss. 
(PONTBICHOT goes up stage.) 

CLAIRE. My poor, bad tempered Chico. I shall have 
to turn tamer and tame you. 

CHICO. Well, Claire, when we’re married you’ll find an 
improvement in my temper, because I shall have no reason 
to be jealous. 

CLAIRE. That, indeed, will be “Paradise.” 


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